I hadn’t seen the movie in probably eight or 10 years. To my surprise, I enjoyed the viewing immensely!
Don’t get me wrong…
My surprise enjoyment is not a disparagement against the movie. It’s just that I generally find it hard to watch stuff I’ve directed or edited (or both, in this case) because I can’t easily settle into the role of a viewer of any movie I heavily participated in.
And directing or editing a feature length movie is always a substantial investment of body and soul. Consequently, watching them takes me back to the production of it.
Isn’t that a good thing?
Definitely, since I have many good memories with each production, after all. Still, viewing them again is mostly a hard thing emotionally.
Why? Because, in watching them, my mind flashes back with shocking clarity to the challenges and sacrifices of making each scene – the inevitable resignation of settling between what I envisioned for the scene and what was ultimately possible under the circumstances. To a degree, I suspect that…
All movie directors feel this
…because of the nature of the beast. Directing a narrative feature takes vast imagination and vision in the planning. But creating is always more costly than envisioning.
So, once the director has that glorious vision firmly fixed in his mind, he must then begin carefully chiseling away at that fantastic masterpiece (fully formed in the fantasy of the mind), reducing it to a state that matches the budget, the cast, and any technical or time constraints.
The final movie – what’s left after all the difficult and sacrificial choices leading up to, and through, production and post production – may be viewed by audiences and critics as a great movie. Even so, the movie will inevitably be but a dim reflection of what the director envisioned.
For me at least, the sought-after movies I had envisioned are still as strong in my mind as is the movies we were actually able to shoot. So, when watching any of these past movies, I’m reliving the sacrifices, even as I’m viewing the victories and remembering great cast and crewmembers.
Also, making a movie is like running a marathon or having a baby (although I’m not speaking from personal experience on either analogous example) in that they all can be incomprehensibly grueling to go through: seemingly impossible tasks. When you have finished running a marathon or birthing a baby or making a movie, there is not only great satisfaction but great relief that it’s over!
Which is why it’s hard for me to watch … usually.
So you can imagine my surprise, finding today’s viewing so enjoyable.
And it certainly isn’t because the resulting movie closely resembled my sought-after vision. I assure you, there were countless necessary subtractions between the vision and the reality of this first Men of Gray movie – it had a budget of less than $10,000, for goodness sake! 🙂
So I should have felt the same discomfort in viewing this movie as with any other that I’ve directed. But, watching it after all these years…
I was having just way too much fun!
I mean, sure — there’s only so much you can do with less than $10,000 when making a full-length feature movie, right? But that actually becomes its charm, in this case. Honestly, it’s pretty amazing what we were able to pull off under the circumstances.
For instance, most ultra-ultra-low-budget movies are carefully crafted to control costs (like having a small cast, very few locations, mostly daylight shots, minimal action, etc., for example).
But, no, not this movie…
It was a freakin’ epic!
Oh, and we made it in a country that has no movie industry — no infrastructure to support film production. So, my hat is off to producers G. Anthony and Ria Joseph for what they were able to accomplish in putting this whole thing together. Truly remarkable.
In fact, I could do a half dozen posts about the amazing challenges and crazy adventures in the making of this 1990 movie – and may in fact do so at some point. But suffice it to say, there’s a lot of bang in the bucks we had to work with.
And so I had a ball watching it again
Plus, it was my first feature film and my first time in Trinidad & Tobago. Seeing all those locations and reliving all those memories made me laugh and smile. The guerrilla filmmaking tactics we employed could be strung together and would make a hilarious documentary movie. Remembering those adventures as the movie unfolded scene by scene, how could I not enjoy myself?
A great trip. 🙂 And, because I know the movie is very hard to find, I’ve added these screen captures from it to give you a sense of the flavor of that movie.
And, as I suspect, watching the first Men of Grey gave me a few ideas on where to go with the current story, Men of Gray III.